Dave Alpert: I Know Where You’re Going with That

I walked into my favorite bar tonight to find a white guy with an Italian name singing soul-less soul music.  While this is now the stuff that TV reality shows are made of, I rarely see it in clubs I respect.  You know what I mean.  Songs where every other line is not even a real words: “I saw you at the movie show, baby/ yeah-he-ha-he-ha-ya/ I want to talk to you girl/MMMMmmmm-yaheha…/”.  He was trying to be all funky and between songs, would say stuff like, “Thanks y’all.”  And I don’t really mean a Southern “y’all” as much as a Westchester, NY “y’all”.  I thought: is this the first generation of singers entirely influenced by American Idol?  I hope not.

Whitney Houston was famous for her use of melisma–that kind of using a million notes to express one sylable of music.  At some point in time, singers began to think that this kind of singing was cool.  It is not; it sucks.  On the one hand, we can sort of be proud about the mainstream acceptance of certain aspects of African American culture.  On the other hand, is it really real?  Has it really added to the acceptance of African Americans at all?  I don’t know.  Maybe I just witnessed the second coming of Pat Boone.  Regardless, it sounded like round 2 of American Idol and I wanted that dude Simon to come out and take no prisoners!

NOTE TO THE (UN-NAMED) SINGER: Give it Uha-ha-ha-ha-Ppppppp-Yeah-he-ha-he-ha-one-lo-hohove–mutha-fucka-ha-ha-hahaha!

Yup.  Rob is at it again.  Last time, he was beard growing on whiskerino.org.  This time, he’s moustache growing on MoustacheMay.com.  God help us all!

Catch him at a show sporting a molestache in the near future.  That moustache is gonna help the band ROCK!

It’s almost 3am, and cars are driving up outside and beeping for people.  Didn’t beeping go out with the advent of cell phones?  I mean, there are babies sleeping, people that have to go to work in 5 hours.  I am always amazed when I hear people beeping on a city street to pick someone up like it’s noon in some suburb.  Grow the fuck up!  This is Boston 2008, not Revere 1971!

I know that I’ve been lazy and haven’t written anything nutty in a few weeks, but HEY!  I’ve been working; the band has been playing. And we’re having a lot of fun.  This Thursday (tomorrow), Stephen Brodsky plays a solo set at 7:30 and Dave Alpert and band go on at 8:30.  Come hang out!

Our early Thursday residency continues tommorow at TOAD.  This week, our special guests, The Liz Borden Band, opens the show at 7:30pm.  We go on at 8:30pm.  These shows are free and 21+.  Come down and hang out!

Who would have thought that a few bloggers could exact change in this town?!  But I rode by MIT today, and a few days after our posts, the 2nd pair of yellow lines has been painted black.  It made this blogger feel pretty damn good! Cambridge is now safe once again.

Apparently, the city planners in Cambridge, MA can’t decide whether there should be 2 lanes of traffic headed toward Boston and only one into cambridge down Mass Ave or vice versa.  Right now they’re trying to have only one lane headed towards the Mass Ave Bridge into Boston.  Despite the fact that they made this move at least 3-5 months ago, they have yet to remove the previous double yellow lines and now there are 4 yellow lines.  What is up with this?  Is this some bizarre “field sobriety test” they are running at my expense or is someone looking for a prize at the next Darwin Awards and secretly filming from the MIT student center?  Because I’ve witnessed plently of stone sober people flunk in the middle of the day and practically run me off the road.  I know it is right in front of MIT, but creating this MENSA field sobriety test is so unfair.  Or is the problem that Cambridge blew their 2008 turnpentine budget in February?  I’ve lived here a long time and can say without hesitation that people don’t need another excuse to be sucky drivers.  They couldn’t have accidentally left them there!  could they have?

Last night, on the TV news, I saw Massachusetts governor Deval Patrick, annoyed with resistance to his campaign to bring casinos to MA, say, “If the legislature has any better ideas, I want to hear them.”  This, of course, is referring to a plan to stimulate the Massachusetts enconomy and bring much needed financial assistance to towns and cities.  My thought at the time: I can’t believe I voted for this guy.  Confronted with a slumping economy, people fleeing the state towards the lower priced regions, etc., the best he can come up with is legalized gambling??  He really has no more ideas? 

I have never been to a casino, and I have no real objection apart for concern about the mental health of our communities.  Considering all the hard working residents already blowing their week’s wages on scratch tickets at the neighborhood convenience store, I’m not sure how wise it is to bring casinos a Charlie Ticket ride away.  But this isn’t the point.   It’s that The Commonwealth has real economic challenges, and I’d like to hear some real solutions other than legalized gambling.  Hmmm…. Or maybe not….

On the off-chance the legislature doesn’t have any more bright ideas, I have one.  We should go with an entire “Legalize It” campaign.  We should legalize things like drugs, hunting endangered species, prostitution, child pornography, dog fighting.  We could tax it all at 20%.  That would stimulate the service industry, too.  Hotels would pop up everywhere.  New jobs would be created.  With all that money, we could rent the US military to guard our borders (adding to the health of the US economy as well).  That could be the state moto on our license plates.  We could Sell Massachusetts Legalize It! t-shirts at Logan.  And if the federal government doesn’t like it, we would have enough resources to fight.  After all, we’re busy screwing things up in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Not even the United States could afford or win a three-front war.

Wow.  Deval.  Maybe this is a bright idea after all! It’s on!

Jonny Goldstein is one of my closest friends and he’s a major videoblogger.  Jonny’s birthday was today.  In honor of the occassion, I wrote this song.  They played it on Jonny’s weekly show, Jonny’s Par-tay!

   

Click To Play

 

 

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are duking it out for the Democratic nomination.  I don’t know how much this interests me.  No matter who gets the nod, that’s my president.  It’s not that I don’t have a preference.  I was impressed with Hillary when she was fighting for universal healthcare under her husband’s administration.  And I know her to be a smart and talented woman.  Many of my friends, however, support Obama–particulary my younger friends.  And it makes sense.

Obama projects a young and exciting and hopeful energy.  He is considered the candidate of hope.  While it bums me out that Clinton makes fun of that, I understand that idea of a candidate that people want to believe in.  Here’s the way I see it.  They are virtully identical–what they care about, what is the Democratic ideology that I stand behind.  There are minute differences.  Obama has the privilege of boasting he wouldn’t have sent soldiers to Iraq–a move I personally was entirely against.  Clinton had to make a hard decision during a time when Bush’s administration was feeding Congress a watershed of misinformation and applying unfair pressure.

For those of us over 30, we remember a president Bill Clinton that was also a candidate of hope, and led the country through 8 of the most hopeful years since JFK was sworn in.  Hillary participated not only as a first lady, but as an agent of Democratic change.  So, many of us that remember lean towards Clinton, while others without those memories cling to Obama’s charismatic speeches and slogans.  Personally, no one can convince me that it matters.  They are entirely the same.  And either way, I win.