As I was walking through Union Square in Somerville, MA last night, I couldn’t help but notice this portable bathroom–looking far more plush looking than a mere porta-potty. Nice logo bug. Looks like the neighborhood is being taken over by yuppie construction crews. Gentrification.
Earlier today, I discovered this gem of a billboard ad on my way home from the Arsenal Mall in Watertown, MA:
It’s awesome. I couldn’t have said it better myself. In fact, I think my friends should all donate their pets to medical science. It constantly amazes me how passionate people are about animals. We eat them; we keep them as pets; we feed them to other animals; take them from their natural habitat; displace them; hunt them; and we kill them. Still, people claim to love them.
Actually, my favorite kind of people are pet owning vegetarians. “I won’t eat one or kill one, but I’ll make one live in my house, eat from a plastic bowl, and walk around with a collar around its neck. Awesome. You are so close to having a point!
I understand the arguments: we’ve been doing it for ages. Dogs have been domesticated since 15,000 bc and cats since about 7,500 bc. They rely on humans. And they “love us”. Here’s my favorite: “my pet is like a member of the family”. You see. I’ll tell you another human tradition that reaches back thousands of years: SLAVERY. And just because we’ve been doing it since the beginning of time, doesn’t make it right. Freedom is freedom. I think that encouraging the breeding of species of animals because they are hardcoded to “not be free” is no excuse. According to the wikipedia article, “Greek philosophers such as Aristotle accepted the theory of natural slavery, that is, that some men are slaves by nature.” Sounds pretty much the same to me.
So, what do you say? Do the world of favor. Let’s make a commitment to free the world of domesticated animals. I understand: if you just free them, they’ll die. So, you might as well free them at the doorstep of an animal research lab. 
FREEDOM! FREEDOM! FREEDOM!!!
It seems like every one of my stories lately takes place in a public restroom. Frankly, I’m even starting to creep myself out a tiny bit. In any event, earlier this afternoon I walked into the Starbuck’s in Watertown Square to grab a little pick-me-up. On leaving, I decided to visit the can and give Starbuck’s a piece of my mind, so to speak. As I was sitting there, I looked up to see this poster:
The caption at the top reads, “Can you spot the coffee made from 3% of the world’s best coffee beans?” I kept reading it over and over again, and, for the life of me, I still can’t figure out what it is trying to say. Are they trying to say that their coffee is made from beans in the top 3% in terms of quality? Are they trying to say that they use 3% of all the world’s coffee beans? Are they trying to say they pick a random 3% of beans that are considered the best beans? And, what percentage of all coffee beans are considered “the world’s best coffee beans”? Is it the top 49%? Am I crazy? WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN?