Dave Alpert: I Know Where You’re Going with That

Yesterday, an 8-year-old boy blew his own head off at the “Machine Gun Shoot and Firearms Expo” at the Westfield Sportsman’s Club in Westfield, Mass.  The Associated Press article says that he was “firing an Uzi submachine gun under adult supervision….”  That said, this is not just a horrible tragedy, but it represents what is so damn sick about our gun-crazed society.

The only way you can put the words “Uzi” and “adult supervision” together is if the adult is preventing 8-year-olds from getting anywhere near a high powered submachine gun.  Like anything else in the world, there have to be limits in our society.  Many would disagree with me that civilians should never have access to machine guns, rocket launchers and other weapons that are used pretty much exclusively for causing human casualties, but surely most people would agree that 8-year-olds, even under the supervision of certified instructors, should never be allowed to handle Uzis.  I’m not entirely “anti-gun” either; they’re fun to shoot.  And when I was like 12 yrs old, I went to YMCA Camp Clark in Plymouth, MA and we shot BB guns and then graduated to .22s.  Nevertheless, Uzis, AK47s, M-16s??? Who are this kid’s parents?

The article quotes one policeman as saying, “It is legal for children to fire a weapon if they have permission from a parent or legal guardian and are supervised by a properly certified and licensed instructor.”  Is it really true that an 8-year-old can fire any weapon with parental permission???  I don’t care what the law says.  It was wrong, a needless tragedy, controls would not be a threat to democracy, and for shit sure, this kid’s parents should be arrested.  You let your kids play with matches they’re gonna get burned; you let your kids play with Uzis, and they’re gonna get their heads blown off.

Apparently, being King of the Universe is not enough to make ends meet anymore.  So, God relocated to Florida, and he’s moonlighting as a commercial trucker.  He even put the kid to work again. (Personally, I think the thorny crown hanging on the top of the cross is a nice touch.)

Joking aside, what I really want to know is whether the owner, Stephen English, is just a highly spiritual man or does he really think he’s God???  Either way, maybe the sign above should read, “Cuckoo, Florida.”

I would have told this guy he had toilet paper sticking out of the back of his pants, but I was too busy looking for my phone so I could snap a picture.  Then I thought: it kind of suits him…

McCain accusing Obama of even knowing how to operate an overhead projector…

I’m sure that, if elected, McCain will bring the mimeograph machine and teletype back to the White House.  He’ll be known as the Stone Age President.

Another good reason to vote for Obama…

My first band started out as an acoustic trio called Shake.  We were 2 guys and a girl. we all sang; the other guy and I played acoustic guitars.  Eventually, we morphed into a full rock band–a little folky, a little jammy.  It wasn’t my favorite band stylistically, but I wrote the songs, we had lots of fun, got people out to shows and played some of the coolest rooms in Boston at the time, including Mama Kin, the Tam, Harpers Ferry, and of course, the staples like the Middle East and TT’s.  We put out our first and only full-length CD around 2001 (right after we broke up).  I remember the excitement of hearing Birthday Song on WBCN and seeing our CD on the shelf in Newbury Comics.

I walked into Newbury Comics the other day to sell some old CDs.  Dave’s tip of the day: if you’re ever short on cash, Newbury still buys CDs, and you can still get a few bucks for CDs probably just gathering dust in storage.  In any case, I walked down one of the rock aisles and found the slot where our CDs used to be.  They stopped carrying our CD long ago, but years later, they’re keeping the slot alive for our comback!  Check this out…

Nice!!!