OK. So as some of you might know, I’ve been experimenting with facial hair lately. I hate goatees, so I tried my hand at the moustache. Before the disguise, I was told I look like Jack Osbourne. With the moustache, I got “Hey! You look like Ron Jeremy… from the waist UP!” Thanks. If I’m going to be likened to a porn star, it might has well be one of the best.
The turning point for me was when my friend Deana said, “Dave Alpert! You have a moust… eh, a molest-ache!” (Don’t be alarmed. Many of my friends call me Dave Alpert. I’m a brand unto myself.)
Over the past few days, I heard smarmy, child molester, pervert, etc. My friend Kat suggested that I may never see a woman naked (read: find true love) again. Heck, I couldn’t even look at myself. So, this morning, I shaved it into funny shapes to crack myself up and then ultimately shaved the whole thing off. The deed is done. I know that many pics were snapped at the Bill’s Bar show, so if you haven’t seen, you’ll get to see me and the Dave Alpert/Ron Jeremy molest-ache soon enough.