As I was driving home today, I began pondering Boston’s many “douche lanes”. These are traffic lanes that either by design or by fate become populated by douchebags. Sometimes the lane creates the douchebag; sometimes it is the douchebag that gives the lane its bad name.
For example, at the end of Storrow Drive–where it forks into Soldier’s Field Road and the bridge over to Fresh Pond Parkway–the far right lane that heads down Soldier’s Field Road is a douche lane. The left lane maps to the left lane on SFR and the middle lane to the right lane of SFR. The douchebags that go into the far right lane are only there to practice douchecraft. In other words, they are taking a legal opportunity to bypass all the people waiting at the light, only to merge (read: cut off) the people in the middle lane once they cross to the other side. So, is this lane creating douchebags? Or do only douchebags use that lane? See exhibit A below.
Then, of course, there is the fork where Brighton Ave and North Beacon St split. There are 2 left turn only lanes and one lane that goes straight down North Beacon. The douche lane here is the middle lane. This is where the douchebags see all the people waiting patiently to get across that annoying intersection and find themselves “accidentally” in the middle lane, so they can bypass fellow drivers and then merge (read: cut off) cars to go down North Beacon.
I wrote about another interesting douche lane previously. It is the CLEARLY MARKED middle lane in Porter Sq in Cambrige that allows cars to go straight or turn left. What makes this one so interesting is that the douchebags are the people that find themselves in the middle lane and one or more cars is patiently (and legally) waiting to turn left. The straight arrow turns green first, while the left turn arrow is still red. Instead of realizing that they fucked up and made a poor lane choice, these douchebags let road rage overtake them and start leaning on their horns like a bunch of maniacs–and sometimes even drive around, stop and start swearing at the drivers in the cars waiting for the arrow to turn green. See exhibit B and C below.
Actually, an even funnier part about the sign in the second picture is that while it clearly explains the middle lane, it incorrectly shows a right turn only lane. The only turn to the right is the stairwell down to the commuter rail; there is no street. It should be a straight only lane.
So, what are your favorite douche lanes in the city?